When I Am Fussy or Won’t Stop Crying
I may be saying, “I am feeling out of sorts, off my routine.” Or I may be saying, “I feel tension in the house.” I may simply be saying, “My body is growing and changing and I am extra sensitive…
Help Me with New Rules and Limits
Age-appropriate rules let me know what to expect, which helps me to feel safe, secure, and in control. It is important that you set limits and are consistent in enforcing rules with me now. You can help me cope with…
When I Ask Where My Veteran Parent Is
I may be saying, “I’m trying to understand what is going on and feel a little control in my life.” Tell me in simple, clear words what is happening. Invite me to help do something like draw a picture for…
When I Ask a Question
What I may be saying is, “I’m curious. I’m ready for more information.” You can support me by answering in simple words I can understand. “That machine helps Mommy breathe.”
When I Hit or Bite
I may be saying, “Sometimes I’m angry,” or “I have so many feelings inside and no words for them that I lose control.” What you can do to support me is stop me firmly and gently. Tell me “It’s not…
When I Go Back to Earlier Behaviors
When I go back to earlier behaviors, such as wanting a bottle again after I have been drinking from a cup, or refusing to use the potty after I have been successful at potty training, I may be saying, “All…
If I Get Upset When I Get a Boo-boo
When I get very upset when I fall or get a boo-boo, what I may be saying is, “I’m afraid my body is injured, too.” You can support me by being matter-of-fact. Reassure me that you will take care of…
When I Go Back to Earlier Behaviors
When I go back to earlier behaviors, such as wanting a bottle again after I have been drinking from a cup, or refusing to use the potty after I have been successful at potty training, what I may be saying…
When I Fuss When You Say Good-Bye
If I cry, kick, and scream when you leave me, even if it’s only for an hour and I’m with someone I know and like, I may be saying, “Life feels a little uncertain. I need you. I depend on you…
When I Play Pretend
What I may be saying is, “I am trying to figure out what is happening. I am trying to get a sense of some control over all that is going on.” You can support me by joining in my play.…
When Parent Reminders Make Me Sad
I may be saying that sometimes I need a break from thinking about the separation, and I have other things to think about and do. To support me, please understand that my need for “staying-connected” activities may change from day…
When I Throw a Tantrum
What I may be saying is, “I am frustrated! I want to do this, but I am not able,” or “I don’t know how to communicate what I am feeling to you.” Sometimes I might tantrum when I am tired…
If I Want to Help My Injured Parent
When I show interest, curiosity, or desire to help with caring for my injured parent, I may be saying, “I want to help. I like to feel confident and competent.” You can support me by giving me tasks I can…
When I Act Like I Don’t Care
You may wonder about how I am feeling when I giggle, laugh, and play even though my parent is deployed. What I may be saying is, “Even though my Mom is gone, there is so much for me to see and do and…
When I Am Fussy
What I might be saying is, “I am feeling sick, or tired, or hungry.” I might be trying to tell you I am sad or mad, or just overwhelmed by everything going on around me. You can help me by…
When I Look Sad or I’m Clingy
I may be saying, “I feel tension. Something is going on.” or “I’m trying to understand what’s going on and feel a little in control of my life.” You can help me by offering simple, clear words for what is…